Fear

My oncologist gave me a one-year devotional.
There's a Bible verse for each day, and a brief interpretation of the verse.
Today's stood out to me. Matthew 8:26 reads, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"

I've had some recent fears. Not just the fear of dying. But fear of leaving my wife without a husband and my children without a father. Also, fear that I've wasted most of my life. I mean, tell yourself you could die before Christmas and then think about what you've left behind.

But this verse reinforced what I've been telling myself. I often prayed, even before my diagnosis, for God to give me comfort and strength in the knowledge that whatever happens, my life is in his hands. I have nothing to fear. If it's my time, it's my time. I could be cured of lymphoma and fall off my roof while cleaning my gutters. The 74 bridge could collapse while I'm driving across. I could be killed by the flames of my fire-breathing dragon lady co-anchor(actually, Libby is very nice. I just like to pick on her)

Betrayal is another feeling I'm dealing with. I feel like my body has betrayed me, to a degree. I eat fairly well; try to enjoy plenty of fruits and veggies. I exercise. And I'm only 35 years old. I'm told the average lymphoma patient is over 60. So, I'm having more trouble putting the betrayal feeling to bed.
I'm reading one verse a day. Maybe I'll find one to help with betrayal in the days to come.